2015 is starting out in a very different way for me from other new years.
If you have read some of my previous blog posts you know that I have never been a goal setter. It has always frustrated me but I haven’t really done much about it.
This year I have set ten very specific measurable goals. At some point I may share some or all of them with you but the process I went through suggested only sharing your goals with selective people.
One piece of the goal setting process I went through involved knowing your “why” for your goals. What are the motivations you have for reaching a particular goal?
As I went through the process another thought came to mind that proved to be even more motivating for me. What is the cost to me or to others for not reaching my goal?
The answer to that question will be different for every goal but in some cases the cost will be monetary, emotional, physical and others of which I haven’t even thought yet.
Let me give you an example from something that is all too rampant in our society. It’s one I’ve never had to deal with personally but know others who have and have seen the costs without recognizing them before it was too late.
Let’s say you have a goal for 2015 of courageously doing an intervention of an alcoholic relative or friend. For far too long this person has negatively impacted your life, the lives around you and their own life.
You set a date of February 1 to perform this intervention. The date comes and goes and you found many reasons not to confront them but those reasons mostly involve fear; fear of how they will react or fear of not doing it correctly or fear of the timing not being right.
So, what is the cost of not acting because of your fear? This friend or relative continues to act abusively towards you and others. They continue to spiral downhill mentally, emotionally, and physically taking everyone in their path with them. They continue to endanger the lives of others because they keep driving in spite of being incapable of driving. When they do get into an accident down the road the cost goes up exponentially from a monetary standpoint but also from an emotional standpoint because now complete strangers are involved.
You then lie in bed at night and ask your self over and over and over, “Why didn’t I do something?”
This is a dramatic but very realistic example of the cost of not acting courageously.
As I went through my goal setting process and wrote down the costs of not reaching my goals it was very sobering, no pun intended.
As you examine your goals for 2015 what are the costs to you and those close to you of not reaching those goals?
Maybe you’re not a goal setter but someone looking at some new opportunities in 2015. What is the cost of not taking advantage of those opportunities?
Often we need to act courageously in the moment. Other times we can process whether or not to act courageously.
When you have the time to process whether or not to be courageous I encourage you to examine the cost of living in your fear.
Psalm 23:4
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Hi Dave,
I enjoy reading your blog and thinking about the insights you are relating. This blog on considering the costs of living in fear hits close to home for me. I go in and out of fear more often than I care to admit, however; I tend to put myself into long-term commitments so my fears usually come and go within the time frame of those commitments. (That is one way to overcome them!) Ex: School… for many years.
I think a good reason to examine the cost of living in fear in each of our lives is that we can find encouragement through this process. You read right. I found many examples of living courageously when I examined how I have lived in fear. We tend to think that “others” can do something, but we can’t, for various reasons (which are actually fears). When we examine the cost of living in fear, we can find exceptions, which is living courageously.
So next time you think about a time of fear, find the counter to it – I bet you can.
(Our two approaches to this subject appears to have a very distinct male – female approach. Male – conquer, female – find the bright side and encourage)
Also, I recently listened to a You Tube presentation that I wanted to share with you about the experience you are having in your goal setting with “why”. It is Simon Sinek – “First why and then trust”. Check it out, I think you will like it.
Blessings,
Cindy
Cindy, Thank you for your thoughtful response to my post! We all go
in and out of fear more often than we care to admit. One of the reasons I
write about fear and courage is to bring these topics more into the
light. We all have fear but rarely talk about it.
I
wholeheartedly agree with you on seeking the counter to our fear. We
can almost always find it if we are willing to step back from our fear
and look. I’m also intrigued by your comment about a male/female
approach to this topic. I would love to hear more about that.
I
am also a big Simon Sinek fan. I’ve seen the Ted Talk you mention and
also have the book by the same name. Knowing your why is a powerful
thing!
Thank you, Cindy!
Dave
Hi Dave,
My comment about male/female thinking is definitely a general statement, and naturally would not apply across the board. What I thought about is that it seems that men tend to approach emotional wellness with an attitude of conquering the undesirable characteristic, such as fear. I have been in discussion with many women about undesirable emotional characteristics, and we tend to be gentler on ourselves, often looking at the things to encourage us through it; such as support from other women who feel like we do. Just my observation – as a woman who talks about emotional wellness, and has for years.
Cindy
Cindy, now you have really hit on a difference between men and women. Women will have those discussions about undesirable emotional characteristics. Men rarely, if ever, will talk about those things. Talk about an opportunity for courage!
Thanks, Cindy!
Dave
Wow.. Good stuff.
Some times being courageous is doing the little stuff. Wrote this on New Years Day reflecting on the year. A tough one after being unemployed a couple of years.
BEST DEFINITION OF CLUTTER I’VE SEEN: CLUTTER IS “DELAYED DECISIONS”
FOR SOME REASON I’VE STARTED TO NOTICE CLUTTER IN MY LIFE AND THE ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. SO MANY YEARS I JUST ACCEPTED IT. HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES FROM 2014 THAT ARE WORKING FOR ME:
1 REPLACED THE LACES IN MY BOOTS THAT WERE TOO LONG AND WOULD DRAG AND COME UNTIED. CUT THE EXCESS OFF AND MELTED THE ENDS SO WOULD LACES WOULD NOT UNRAVEL OR DRAG.
2. IPHONE AND IPAD – DELETED THE APPS I’M NOT USING AND PUT FREQUENTLY USED ONES IN GROUPS ON FIRST PAGE. UNSUBSCRIBED FROM ALL UNNECESSARY EMAIL LISTS.
3. WENT THROUGH THE SHED AND DISPOSED OF “stuff” – MICHELE’S (WIFE) DEFINITION WAS “JUNK”.
4. CLEANED OUT THE BASEMENT- 20 YARD DUMPSTER FULL, MANY NEIGHBORS TURNED OUT TO BE DUMPSTER DIVERS – WIN/WIN!
5. WENT THROUGH ALL MY CLOTHES – DONATED ALL CLOTHES NOT WORN IN SIX MONTHS OR THREW AWAY WORN STUFF.
6. EATING VEGETABLES (BUILT TWO 15’X3′ RAISED GARDEN BEDS) AS MAIN COURSE, CUT OUT MILK, SUGAR, AND WHITE FLOUR. I EAT WHATEVER I WANT ONE DAY A WEEK. DRINKING MUCH MORE WATER. NOT DIETING BUT SEEING SOME WEIGHT LOSS.
7, GO TO “BODY PUMP” CLASS FOR THE BEST 60 MINUTE, FULL BODY WORKOUT THREE TIMES A WEEK – WOW SO MUCH MORE ENERGY.
8. GET UP 15 MINUTES AND MEDITATE – LESS MIND CLUTTER. TRYING TO BE “PRESENT”.
9. CHOOSING MY RELATIONSHIP BATTLES OR NOT… SO MUCH MORE PEACEFUL.
16. LAST BUT SO IMPORTANT – I’M GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS THAT I HAD, HAVE AND ARE COMING INTO MY LIFE.
I’M CERTAINLY NOT CLOSE TO PERFECT BUT LIFE IS LIGHTER AND SO GOOD!
WHAT LACES CAN YOU LET GO OF THIS YEAR?
ALL THE BEST IN 2015! (PLEASE SHARE.)
TOM GARfIN
Tom, thank you for such a thoughtful and well written response to my post. I agree with you on so many levels and congratulations for having the courage to take all of those little steps!
My fascination with courage started in January of 2010 when I lost my job and was out of work for a couple of years as well so I can relate to your journey.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that sometimes being courageous is doing the little stuff. Before I created my own business and was looking for work it often took courage just to get out of bed and go to a job networking group. What I really want to convey with my blog and my business is being courageous in the small things. We have opportunities to do that every day and most often we let them go by. You haven’t. You have acted.
I often look at my desktop of my computer and see how it is a reflection of my actual desktop or my life in general. Lots of stuff in no particular order. It’s better than it used to be but I’m still working it and probably always will.
Tom, thanks for showing me and the other readers some simple, but powerful ways to be courageous!
Blessings,
Dave Cornell
Thanks Dave! I love the phrase “How you do anything is how you do everything.” It’s so true and sometimes so hard.