When fear is a part of our lives we rarely share it with anyone because we think this fear is only impacting our lives and no one else.
The reality is that our fears, more often than not, impact those around us without us realizing it.
Let me explain the price of your fear for others using a dramatic, graphic example from the news just a few years back.
I’m sure that most people remember the Jerry Sandusky/Penn State scandal from 2011. Sandusky was a revered and respected assistant coach to the all-powerful Joe Paterno.For many years Sandusky had been molesting young boys on the Penn State campus as well as other places. None of it came to light until 2011.
According to the Freeh Report several custodians had witnessed Sandusky molesting boys on multiple occasions. The custodians chose not to report it because, using their words from the report, “they’ll get rid of us all.”
Fear. I try to put myself in their shoes and can certainly understand why they would feel that way. No one can say for sure unless we walk where they walked but we may have acted the same way as well. Could they have lost their jobs? Yes, they could have. Penn State, Paterno, Sandusky and the aura of Penn State football were larger than life. I’m sure they viewed themselves as mere pawns in a much larger game. In their minds they were easily expendable.
Courage has a price as well. Being courageous may cost you something and in this case it may have cost them their jobs. In hindsight, I’m sure they would have acted more courageously.
Let’s examine the price of fear in this case.
Sandusky’s reprehensible, inexcusable and shameful acts went unreported for another 11 years. How many young men and boys and their families paid a price because those custodians were fearful for their jobs? That price continues to be paid by those men and boys and their families and will be paid for the rest of their lives.
As of September 2014 the scandal has cost Penn State $89 million. This is not to equate or compare the pain and suffering of the victims to the institution. It merely is to point out the costs can be physical, emotional, spiritual and mental as well as monetary. It could have potentially ended as early as 2000 if the custodians had been courageous enough to speak up. A great price was paid for the fear of those custodians.
Now let me give you a more personal example.
I am passionate about spreading my message of courageously overcoming our fears in everyday life.
Yet, I have this fear that my message isn’t that valuable or important. I wrestle with being good enough. Every time I speak I am afraid I won’t measure up to the expectations of the people that bring me in.
I have only begun to recognize and accept over the last few years that one of my gifts is the ability to communicate and tell stories in a way that makes a difference in people’s lives. If I choose not to speak because of my fear there is a likelihood that someone who needs to hear my message may pay the price of not hearing a message that could change their life.
When you think about it, this kind of fear is selfish. It is all about protecting ourselves at the expense of others. Raise your hand if you want to be seen as selfish. Anyone? Anyone? That fear of someone suffering for my fear is what drives me to do what I do.
Who is paying a price for your fear?
Is your business suffering because you won’t make a difficult decision?
Are others suffering because you are afraid to share your gifts, talents and abilities?
What will you do courageously today to end that pain?
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
You can now buy the book “Cultivate Courage” on Amazon! https://amzn.to/2N2PBVJ
This is an edited version of a post that originally ran on April 27, 2015.
My wife NAILED me on this very issue in a recent conversation. When talking about pricing for some on-line training that I am preparing she asked, “Are you afraid to price it higher?” I hate it when she does that.
So, Ron, who is paying a price for your fear to price it higher?
As I read this post I was reminded of the day-to-day life of a parent, or sibling, or friend. The fear some have of not knowing how to go on without that habit (drinking, smoking, being controlling
or negative all the time…you name it!) can rob the ones you love the most of the very essence of family, friendship, belonging and love itself. Great post Dave, when you put it that way it
can be VERY motivating!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Dion! You are so right. People don’t think of the effects of their habits on their friends and family. By the same token, family members are very often afraid to say anything to the family member with the bad habit because they are afraid of how the person will react. This is a common merry go round with addiction. Others always pay a price when we live a life of fear! Unfortunately, I know that personally all too well!
Dave, I am so incredibly excited to read your blogs, and so wish I could pass them on. Being of the older generation, is it possible to put a tag line in the emails, that can allow me to forward on your message, and hopefully acquaint other with your wisdom? The many fears you have addressed to date are certainly applicable to my everyday life, both now, and when I was working. Your wisdom is beyond your years, and I have known you since 1960…wow, that is a long time ago. Keep up the great work of the Lord and sharing your wonderful gift! Blessings, Craig
Craig, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words! I appreciate them more than you know. Fear is an interesting thing in that we all too often present ourselves as having it all together and not wanting anyone to know we’re afraid because we think we are the only ones!
Regarding the tagline to forward my posts, I’ll have to see what I can figure out. I’m not sure how that can be done but I’ll see if I can find a way. You are welcome to forward the e-mail with the link you receive from me if you would like to do that.
Craig, thanks for being a guy who is always willing to learn and grow!
Blessings to you as well!
Dave
You know how you get an email that has a blue hi-lighted area, example like u tube, you click on it and it takes you right to the u-tube event/site….that is my thought.
Also, why is it that fear, shared among men appears to be looked at with disdain and weakness, whereas, shared among women it is more openly accepted, discussed and shared. Is that not something we men should review and change? If we could find the courage to NOT be so callous and hard hearted, we could all grow and become a better person.
Craig, I’ll comment first on your second paragraph. I believe your question is as old as the ages. As you well know, we are brought up to be tough and not to cry and not to show weakness so we don’t. I speak from experience and am working to break that very big wall down. It is one of the very reasons I write and speak about courage. As you state, we would all become better people if we did this!
Now on to the forward my blog question. Thank you for asking about this and I found out it is already available! At the very bottom of the post below the box asking you to sign up for the blog is a long, narrow blue box with some things on the left and two buttons on the right. The far right button is to print the post and the button that looks like an envelope is to e-mail it to someone. Try clicking on that envelope and see if it works for you. If it doesn’t let me know and I’ll do some more checking!
Thanks for your faithful reading of my blog, Craig, and a desire to pass it along. It means more to me than you will ever know!