Yes, the referees missed a call at the end of the Virginia/Auburn basketball game.
The Auburn fans booed loudly and even threw things at the refs as they ran off the floor to the officials locker room. In the minds of those fans, the referees cost their team a chance to play in the national collegiate basketball title game.
The Tiger fans didn’t want to hear about the missed free throw by the Auburn player just seconds before that would have made it virtually impossible for Virginia to win. They didn’t want to hear about how poorly the team had shot for the entire game. The blame for the loss was squarely on the shoulders of the 3 guys in the striped shirts.
Blame. It’s a way for us to not have to take responsibility for our actions. It’s a way for us to pass the buck and attempt to avoid criticism coming our way for something we did or didn’t do. Blame is an excuse.
A few years back I partnered with a new vendor for an online assessment I use in my coaching business. Two days after signing up and testing everything out to make sure it worked I sent the link for the assessment to a very loyal customer. I was a bit anxious about everything going well the first time. About an hour after I sent the e-mail to those taking the assessment my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my contact at my client. This doesn’t look good I thought. Sure enough there was a problem.
People were able to take the assessment but when they hit submit to get their results the screen went white and nothing happened. As she explained the problem I remember my very first reaction in my head, blame the vendor. Fortunately, I was able to catch myself before I went into a downward spiral of telling her all about this new vendor and how they were my first client with them and the vendor was at fault for this problem.
I haven’t always been so good at holding my tongue. I’m getting better but it is a constant challenge! My client doesn’t care where the problem lies. They just want the problem fixed. To my client my vendor and I are one.
It takes courage to not blame someone else when there is an issue. Often, if we are willing to look at ourselves we share at least somewhat in the responsibility of whatever the situation is.
If you’ve ever watched an episode of Dr. Phil you have likely heard him say, “You teach people how to treat you.” Simply put, if you are not being treated well by someone you are allowing them to treat you that way unless you have the courage to stand up to them. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
A few weeks back I told you about a company called Top 20 Training. Another thing I learned from them was the importance of not blaming others and of taking responsibility. In their training they state, “Raise your hands if you’ve ever blamed anyone for anything.”
Every hand in the room always goes up. Then they say, “Keep your hands up if you’ve ever gotten anything positive out of blaming someone else.” Every hand goes down.
Blame is a cowardly act by a cowardly person unwilling to accept responsibility for their actions or to own the problem.
After my client told me what was going on I simply told her I would check into the issue and come up with a resolution. I called my new vendor and they responded immediately. Everything worked on their end and they recommended I call my client and ask them to visit with their IT person and see if it was a firewall issue on their end.
That was it. Problem solved.
Imagine how I would have looked had I gone off on a monologue about my new partner. I don’t believe it would have endeared me to my client at all! My client was very gracious and appreciated my, and my vendor’s, prompt response to her issue.
This doesn’t mean you don’t deal with fault when it can be found but that should be done behind closed doors and the client shouldn’t have any idea it is even going on.
What does it look like to your clients or customers when you blame others for the issues they are facing?
How can you courageously deal with the issues your clients or customers are facing and not blame others?
Are you willing to courageously take responsibility when the fault is yours?
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Do you need a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
You can now buy the book “Cultivate Courage” on Amazon! Simply click here!
