NEEDS STAGE PRESENCE TRAINING!
The words pierced me like an arrow. Why did I even bother to speak at this event? I knew I was in over my head. I need to listen to myself better. I will never do that again.
As someone who is working at making a living as a speaker those words really hurt. I’m also a guy with thinner skin than I would like. In my mind, I thought I was at least fairly decent on stage with at least some level of presence.
Now, for the rest of the story. Here are a few other comments from the same event:
Engaging message –excellent delivery
An inspiration to me
I wanted to hear more
Great command of the stage
Easy to listen to. Great mix of content and humor
There was one negative comment out of about twenty overall. The rest were all very positive and encouraging. I don’t know about you but I always seem to zero in on that one negative comment. It jumps out at me like a big red F on a paper in junior high.
When I was a boy I remember watching the Olympics and events such as gymnastics and figure skating. These were events that required human judging to determine who would win the medals. After each participant finished they would wait for the judges to hold up their cards with the scores. The camera would pan over to the contestant nervously fidgeting awaiting the results. The camera would pan back to the judges furiously tallying their scores. 9, 9, 8, 6.5, 9.5 the announcer would say as he would read the scores.
Then the announcer would declare, “Throw out the high and low scores and we get a final score of 8.6 for Vladimir Kutmatoeoff leaving him currently in third place.”
The reality is we are never really as bad as we think we are and never really as good as we think we are. There are physiological and psychological reasons for this behavior, which you can read about here.
If I looked at the overall reviews of my presentation to this group I would say they were very pleased with what I did for them. I didn’t meet the expectation of one person but I have to realize I am never going to please everyone. Now, I don’t simply want to pass off that one negative comment. Perhaps there is some small measure of truth to their comment. Without dwelling on it do I have the courage to see if there might be a nugget in that comment that can make me better?
I have a tendency to beat myself up over outlier scores. How about you? Do you have the courage to throw out that high score and low score and see what generally is said about you? Do you have the courage to stop trying to please everyone?
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
You can now buy the book “Cultivate Courage” on Amazon! https://amzn.to/2N2PBVJ
This edited post originally ran on August 25, 2014
As a speaker, I have the same challenge. 90 – 95% positive feedback, but I tend to focus on those who didn’t care for it and wonder what I could have done to win them over. I’ve even gone so far as to make a wordle using wordle.net out of my feedback on occasion to help me to view feedback differently versus zoning in on those who didn’t care for it.
My friend, Dr. Todd Dewett wrote a post about this same topic today – http://www.drdewett.com/monthlyblog/sometimes-good-feedback-hurts/. As both you and Dr. Dewett conclude, we can learn from all feedback, but it’s important to place it into context and also filter it through how we want to be perceived.
Thanks for sharing this Dave!
Jennifer, Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!
Dr. Dewett makes a point that I fail to make in my post. While I say throw out the high and the low I also need to realize there might be some validity to that one comment. It takes courage to recognize that and filter it to see if one needs to make some changes based on that outlier comment.
I also really like how you are using wordle. I’ve never thought of that before and see how that would be very helpful!
Thank you for your contribution, Jennifer!