“The very act of doing the thing that scared me undid the fear.”
Those are the words of tv producer, television and film writer and author, Shonda Rhimes in her Ted Talk.
Rhimes made the conscious decision to say yes to anything that scared her for one year. In her talk she eloquently tells how this decision changed her life for the better.
For some time now there has been something called the “Say Yes to Anything Challenge.” In searching the web you’ll see you can do this for a day, a week, a month, or, as in Rhimes case, a year.”
There are some logical parameters that are involved. Obviously, you don’t do anything illegal or say yes to something that might hurt you or someone else in any way.
The premise behind the challenge is to encourage people to face their fears. Anytime you choose to face your fears you are summoning up your courage. Needless to say, I am all in favor of taking this challenge. I almost hate to admit this but just about every speaking engagement I accept I put this challenge into practice. My first inclination is to say no as my fearful self is convinced the asker can find someone better for the gig. Fortunately, choosing courage, yes, over fear, no, has always been the right choice.
While I encourage you all to consider taking a form of this challenge I also challenge you to accept the flip side, the courage to say no. Saying no isn’t always the fearful side of the coin. It can just as easily be the courageous side of the coin.
Recently, I was speaking to a group and talking about how our irrational fears can be selfish. I rhetorically asked the question, “Who of us wants to be considered selfish?”
Sheepishly a lady raised her hand and teared up as she said, “I’ve been told I need to be more selfish.” At first I must admit to being taken aback a bit at her comment. It quickly dawned on me, however, what was going on in her world.
It’s very likely that this woman has a difficult time saying no to others. This likely happens in both her personal and professional life. This actually is a quite common challenge for many people. People who struggle to say no often are taken advantage of in many ways. Saying yes, even when they want to say no avoids conflict and disappointing others. In saying yes, they create great internal conflict and disappoint themselves. This works well for other people but creates havoc in the life of the person always saying yes.
Often times this inability to say no is part of their inherent wiring. In the DISC Behavioral Profile this person is likely a high S pattern. As we grow older these innate traits become more and more embedded in us. As a result, it becomes harder and harder to say work up the courage to say no.
So, as we enter a new week and continue in the first month of the new year, what kind of courage to you need? Do you need to summon the courage to say yes or do you need to summon the courage to say no?
Remember the words of Shonda Rhimes at the beginning of this post, “The very act of doing the thing that scared me undid the fear!”
Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
You can now buy the book “Cultivate Courage” on Amazon!
