His name is Theo. As I write this he is 4 ½ months old. He is my grandson and fourth grandchild.
Theo was born with a heart condition that required him to have surgery 3 days after he was born. His condition is/was called coarctation of the aorta. His surgery went well but there is always a chance the condition could return. Along with the coarctation there have been some other complications as well. The doctors assure his parents, who relay the information to us, that he is doing well and there is no immediate need for concern. However, Theo will likely need to be monitored closely his entire life.
I’m not sure when it happened but, somewhere along the line in his young life, I made, what I believe to be, a subconscious decision to not get too close to little Theo.
Living in the same town as Theo and his parents and siblings we get to see them often. When we would get together with them I would find myself not wanting to hold him as I did with the other three. I vividly remember thinking to myself one time as my wife was holding him, “If I don’t get too close it won’t hurt as much when we lose him.”
As I began to be aware of these thoughts I recognized them more quickly when they arose. Even though I was aware I gave in to the fear of getting too close and having to experience the pain of loss, something I was not very good at. I lost my dad when I was fourteen and didn’t deal with that well. I didn’t want to do it again.
So, as with other things that have been difficult in my life over the years, I thought avoiding Theo was the best course of action. It will lessen the pain should something happen.
I didn’t share any of this with anyone. Fear causes us to withdraw into ourselves. We do irrational things like not hold our grandbabies. We dwell on the what might happens and forget about enjoying the moments right in front of us.
On Mother’s Day my daughter, Theo’s mama, posted an article on Facebook by a mom who has two children with challenging health conditions that could end their lives too soon. That article woke me up with the last line; Getting to love is the best gift of all.
Fear was robbing me of getting to love Theo if only for a little while. It takes courage to choose love over what might happen. The reality is that God has not assured us of anything with our three healthy grandchildren. Yet, I love them without hesitation.
Just this last weekend, through tears, I shared my fears with Theo’s mom and how the article she posted gave me the courage to love him. I have great regret of the time I lost with him to fear.
I pray for Theo every day and hope that he lives a long and healthy life. Should his time on earth be short, courage has allowed me to love him well.
As I said a couple of weeks ago, courage is a heart issue!
Is fear keeping you from experiencing the best gift of all?
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Joshua 1:5-9
Do you need a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
