He was wearing a fluorescent green vest when I first saw him up ahead in the distance.
It took me about ten minutes going at my regular pace on my bike before I caught him on his.
Obviously, he wasn’t out for a morning ride as I was. His bike had small backpacks seemingly everywhere. There was a map enclosed in a little plastic case on his handlebars.
His name was Boyd. He started in Portland, OR and was headed to Bar Harbor, Maine. He looked to be about my age.
He lived in Florida. The ride was a fund-raiser for an organization that worked with adults with disabilities.
Boyd said he tried to average 70-80 miles a day.
Suddenly, a trigger went off in my whole body. It’s a feeling I have had for as long as I can remember.
While I’ve had a recognition and awareness of this feeling for years it was from a 100,000-foot view.
In the last few years I have begun to examine this feeling when it happens a lot more closely and here is what I am uncomfortably aware of: the trigger is the start of the comparison game.
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit.
One of the speakers was Dr. Brene Brown. Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work.
Brown studies the impact on people of vulnerability, worthiness, courage and shame.
At the Summit, Brown said this, “Our worthiness as people lives in the stories we make up about ourselves.”
As I have become increasingly aware of the trigger I have also become increasingly aware of the stories I make up about myself.
Which takes me back to Boyd and our visit on our bikes.
When Boyd said he was riding 70 to 80 miles a day and the trigger went off, a story began to develop in my head and here is how it went:
“Wow! 70-80 miles a day! I’m only going 50 today. What a wimp.”
I didn’t think about the fact that this would be the second longest bike ride of my life. The trigger was the beginning of me comparing myself to Boyd and losing in a landslide.
The story in my head continued, “I’m training to do a 100 mile ride in September and this guy does that nearly every day. My 50 miles today and my 100 miles in September really aren’t that big a deal. And, he’s raising money for a worthy cause at the same time. Why am I even bothering with this?”
I have become keenly aware of how I often I play the comparison game. When I play the result is always the same. I lose.
Then, as if losing the comparison game to Boyd wasn’t enough, I ran across a story of an 80 year old lady named Ruth, from a small town not too far from me, who was riding 80 miles to celebrate her 80 years.
I was 0-2 in the win-loss column playing the comparison game last week.
As my quest to ride 100 miles in September has gotten out I’ve had many people tell me they admire what I’m doing and tell me they would be glad to simply ride five miles or even a mile or simply get on their bike.
It’s interesting to me that there is no comparison game that takes place with those people where I win. The only game played is the one where I lose.
Do you ever play the comparison game? Have you ever won? Me neither.
I’m not sure I’ll ever stop playing the game but I’m learning to not let the game get in the way of the journey.
Courage is a very personal journey. What takes courage for one person to do may be a very simple task for the next person.
It takes courage to change the stories we tell ourselves.
For me, to ride 100 miles in a day takes some courage. It may not for you.
I’m sure for Boyd and Ruth it took some level of courage to do what they are doing and did. They may also be playing some fictitious head game where they lose but they’re doing it anyway.
Another interesting thing about the comparison game is that Boyd and Ruth have no idea they were even in the game with me and that they won.
My guess is that both of them, if they knew of my game with them, would tell me to stop playing the game and simply enjoy the journey. They wouldn’t want to be a part of my silly competition.
Are you holding back in life because you play the comparison game?
What will you do today to stop playing the game and start your journey?
Galatians 1:10, 6:4
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
