“The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.”
This is a quote from Dr. Henry Cloud’s book Necessary Endings: The employees, Businesses and Relationships That All of Us have to Give UP in Order to Move Forward.
Today is a day I declare a necessary ending in my life. I have been the fool trying to adjust the truth so I wouldn’t have to adjust to it.
I have known for several years that this day would come and it probably should have come long before this but I now see the need to adjust to the truth.
My necessary ending declaration is that I am done playing basketball. It’s time.
Now, many of you may be wondering why that is a big step for me or thinking that I should have given it up long ago because it’s just a game. What’s the big deal that you need to declare this?
For me, and for many of my closest friends, it is more than a game.
If you follow my blog at all you know my father passed away suddenly when I was 14
That was the age that basketball became more than a game to me.
Two weeks after my dad passed away my ninth grade basketball season began. Most of those two weeks from his death until that first practice are a blur.
When practice started I quickly found the game to be a refuge. While on the court I could forget dad had died. I could forget that when I went home after practice there would be huge void. I could simply play the game and forget.
The game gave me most of the strongest relationships I have to this day with former teammates and coaches.
The game gave me memories, memories that get shared every time I am with those strong relationships that were formed. Some memories are good and some are bad but all are precious.
The game helped me to believe I could accomplish things I didn’t think I could accomplish.
The game allowed me to travel the world.
The game, and the people within the game, coaches, teammates, opponents, officials, fans and others, taught me life lessons that continue to impact me outside of the game to this day.
One of the things I will miss the most is the camaraderie of just being with the guys and the occasional gals that would join us in our Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings of pick up ball in the high school gym in the small Minnesota town where I live.
At 61, I’m old enough to be dad to probably over half of the people I have played with the last few years. They were gracious enough to allow an old, slow, legend in his own mind guy play with them.
It was connection. It was competition. It was fun.
It’s time.
For years playing has been painful. My feet and ankles have been injured and beat up in just about every way you can imagine. For the most part that pain wasn’t too bad during the actual activity of playing the game. After we were done, however, I paid the price with the pain and swelling but it was worth it. I adjusted the truth for many years.
This past summer as we played the pain became more intense until one day I had to quit about half an hour into our game.
I took a break for a couple of weeks thinking it would get better. When I returned the pain returned as well almost immediately.
For several years I put off going to the doctor so I wouldn’t have to face the truth I knew would be shared with me.
It was time to face that truth.
The doctor said my right foot and ankle have severe arthritis and a lot of structural damage from all the years of the game that has brought me so much joy.
In her words, “Your right foot is in far, far worse shape than the foot of most 61 year-olds I see.”
She didn’t say I had to quit but did say the damage and the pain will only get worse if I continue to play.
As hard as it is, it’s time for a necessary ending.
I have dreaded and feared this day but I knew it would come eventually. It has taken courage for me to write this because it’s so final.
I don’t write this, however, for your sympathy. I have been blessed to be able to play this game far longer than many I know who had to quit much sooner than they would have liked.
I write this to help us all recognize that even the best things in our lives sometimes must come to an end.
With every ending is an opportunity for a new beginning.
My hope is that I can find a way to fill this void. I’m hoping that whatever fills the gap will provide new relationships and new memories and new opportunities to grow and make a difference in the lives of others.
Do you have things in your life that you need to end?
Maybe it’s a toxic relationship in your personal or professional life.
Maybe it’s an activity that is causing you more pain than it’s worth.
Maybe it’s something that you’ve known for a while needs to end.
It takes courage to face necessary endings.
Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them. Dr. Henry Cloud
Ecclestiastes 3
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
