It starts when we’re in elementary school.
As kindergarteners, first, and even second graders we raised our hands and waved them like those blow up wind sock stick people at a car dealer when the teacher would ask a question.
Then we got a question wrong and everyone laughed. The next time we thought we knew the answer we raised our hands but not enough to even straighten our elbows for fear of being wrong again and suffering the laughter of peers.
As adults we sit in meetings. We have a thought that seems like a great idea but our minds quickly rewind to second grade and the pain of being wrong so we say nothing.
Then the person across the table from us says the very same thing we were thinking about and everyone in the room lights up and says, “what a GREAT idea! I wish I had thought of that!”
We lie in bed that night and beat ourselves up because we didn’t have the courage to speak up with our idea that was universally loved and embraced by everyone.
If you’re new to my blog you probably don’t know that in a recently completed Reader Survey I found out that the biggest fears of the majority of my readers centered around disappointing others, not meeting others expectations and feeling inadequate or not measuring up to others.
I believe at the core of this fear is how we view critique of ourselves and our performance.
I recently had a conversation with a mentor/friend who has suggested to me a couple of times that I have my talk on courage taped, transcribed and reviewed by a professional speech coach.
The very thought of that makes me cringe. I don’t accept criticism well.
I need to reframe how I see this type of critique. I recognize that often critique is not done well and is demeaning and not constructive. However, critique done well is instructive and can be life and career changing.
Basketball has always been a big part of my life. I remember in my junior high days a coach pulling me off to the side and giving me a somewhat harsh critique of something I had just done and telling me how I should have done it. He recognized very quickly that I was not handling his message well.
He told me, again in a somewhat harsh manner, that this was to help me to get better and not to demean me. He told me that I should really worry when he doesn’t pull me off to the side to offer his words of wisdom for then he would think I was beyond help and wasn’t worth the bother.
Each spring my wife goes out to our raspberry bushes and critiques how they have survived the winter.
The healthy bushes are left alone. Those that don’t look so good or are visibly dead are removed to create a better growing environment for the healthy bushes. When the berries ripen we are blessed with big, juicy, tasty berries because my wife’s critique created a bumper crop.
The same is true in our personal and professional lives. In order to grow and be better we need to eliminate things that hinder us.
Giving a wrong answer in school leads us to a right answer. Giving an idea in a meeting that may not be universally applauded leads to an idea that will make a difference. Get the bad stuff on the table so the good stuff and begin to grow!
I don’t think I’ll ever embrace being critiqued but if I can see it as a pruning to help me grow I think I can learn to handle it!
How do you handle criticism? What have you done to seek out critique in your life? What memories do you have of criticism in your childhood?
Do you have the courage to put yourself through a pruning process?
John 15:1-8
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
