“We just don’t recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they’re happening.”
That’s a statement made by Doc “Moonlight” Graham to Ray Kinsiella in my favorite movie of all time, “Field of Dreams.”
I truly believe each one of us has opportunities to be courageous nearly every single day. But, much like significant moments, we aren’t aware of courageous moments while they are happening to us.
Sometimes in order to best understand something we need to look at it from the opposite perspective. The opposite of courage is fear or cowardice.
Let me share with you a few examples of every day times when someone had an opportunity for a courageous moment but chose a fearful or cowardly moment instead.
Recently, I was having breakfast with a man who shared with me that he had once been informed he was losing his job through a letter. As he left work one day his boss handed him a letter as he headed out the door. By all accounts he was a good employee and was being let go for financial reasons. When he got to his car he read it and found out he was no longer employed!
Now I understand all the HR appropriate and legal reasons to put your actions in writing. However, to simply hand him the letter as he leaves for the day and not tell him face to face is cowardly. Bwock, bwock, bwock! It’s chicken. He deserved better.
It takes courage to have difficult conversations.
At this point, I am compelled to come clean with you on a very similar scenario. The only difference is I was the one delivering the letter.
This is the exact same way I broke up with my very first girlfriend. She was a wonderful young lady and she didn’t deserve to experience my fear and cowardice and yet that is what she got. Bwock, bwock, bwock! I was a chicken. She deserved better.
It takes courage to have difficult conversations.
Another person I visited with recently was exploring a new job opportunity.
For the sake of the story I’m going to call this person Joe. Joe hadn’t sought anything out and, for the most part, was happy in his current place of employment. He even said that his boss was the best boss he had ever had. As it looked more and more as if Joe was going to be offered this new position with another company I encouraged him to let his boss know this was going on.
That’s not something I would always encourage but when you’ve got a great boss and a pretty good situation in your job I think it’s the honorable and right thing to do. There are other details I am leaving out for the sake of brevity that make it even more important to be open and up front regarding this situation.
When I suggested this to Joe his own words to me were, “I’m chicken.”
Bwock, bwock, bwock!
It takes courage to have difficult conversations.
In fairness to Joe, he did have the conversation. When we talked about it he expressed that it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. That’s usually the case. He also said his boss was very encouraging and happy for his new opportunity.
Now let’s get to an example with much greater consequences when choosing between cowardice and courage.
In November of 2000 two Penn State custodians, in separate incidents on the same night, each witnessed Jerry Sandusky molesting young boys in a shower in the Penn State athletic facilities.
You can read about this here in the Freeh Report on page 66.
The two had a conversation with their supervisor about what they had seen. The supervisor told them how they could report the incident. When asked why they chose not to say anything one of them responded, “They’ll get rid of all of us.” The second witness custodian said, “Reporting the incident would have been like going against the President of the United States.”
Could they have lost their jobs if they had spoken up? Sure. I can sympathize with what those men must have felt. I like to think I would have done the right thing had I been in their shoes but I don’t really know.
I couldn’t even break up with my girlfriend face to face!
There is a price to being courageous. There is also a price to being cowardly and it’s often a bigger price.
Sandusky continued to molest young boys for eleven more years before he was stopped. Those victims deserved better.
It takes courage to have difficult conversations.
Do you recognize the courageous moments in your life when they’re happening to you?
Courage or cowardice; the choice is yours!
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Dave, had to laugh when first saw reference to the 1st girlfriend…..hope she is not a blog follower….or maybe married to one…we are from a small town you know!
Also feel a need to weigh in on the fact that being a “chicken” sometimes has very broad consequences as you say, and I wonder out loud if, as we move on, we may never know the effects our being a chicken may have had on others? It was good to see your blog come alive again and as always I look forward to your sharing everyday life circumstances. Blessings my friend!
Craig, your comments are more interesting than you know! While the girlfriend is not a subscriber to my blog we are friends on facebook. As you may know, I do post my blog on facebook so there is a good possibility she will read it. When I wrote it I wrestled with whether or not to contact her and to apologize for my cowardice. To date that hasn’t happened so I must admit to being a chicken again, at least for now!
You are also correct on you thoughts on the effect our being a chicken has on others. I think it may be a greater negative impact than we might want to admit!
I’m sure you’re staying warm, my friend. Twenty below last night and 11 below tonight!
Blessings to you as well, Craig! Dave Cornell