She was probably about six or seven years old. The water came up just over her shoulders as she swam in the lake.
I was almost close enough, as I sat on the dock watching her and others swimming, to reach out and grab her if something happened. A lifeguard was even closer.
As she watched her grandfather slowly come into the water she hollered, “Look at me, grandpa, look at me!” She bounced off the bottom and twirled and splashed.
As her grandfather got closer his voice showed immense concern as he said, “Missy, you’ve got to come closer to shore. You’re in too deep of water. It’s dangerous out this far!”
She bounced up and down again and said, “I’m okay, grandpa.”
His voice grew even sterner as he told her in no uncertain terms, “No, you’re not. Now come in closer to shore. This is too dangerous.”
I really can only speculate on what the intended message of the grandfather was as well as how the granddaughter received the message. Here’s the message I received as I listened to him; water is dangerous, don’t go out very far because something might happen to you. Stay where it is very safe. The little girl put her head down as he gently grabbed her shoulder and led her into shallower water.
I also wonder if the concern of this grandfather wasn’t a result of his own fear of the water. So often, what we fear we project onto others. Perhaps a scary swimming event from his past clouded his perspective of being in the water.
I write a lot about messages because over the last few years I have become so very aware of the role they have played in my life both as a receiver of messages as well as a sender of messages. This loving grandfather was very well intentioned and well meaning with what he was telling his granddaughter. He was concerned for her safety. Why is it that safety almost always trumps courage and risk taking?
As a grandfather of four I completely recognize the perspective of the man I was watching. I have also caught myself too late after I have delivered a courage-squelching message to one of my grandkids. I pray I do enough to help them overcome those negative messages.
Being courageous and risk-taking do have a level of danger to them. Anytime you step out of your comfort zone and do something new or out of the norm there is a chance something might happen. But, what if you succeed? There is also a price to be paid for living life in the shallow water or living life with a safety net. I’m a survey of one but it seems to me that those that are willing to take some risks and live courageously seem to lead a lot more fulfilling lives than those splashing in the kiddie pool.
Often times which type of life we lead is a result of the messages we received as children.
What are the messages in your head that keep you either in the shallow end or that draw you out to the deep water? If you’re a parent or a grandparent what are the well-intentioned messages you send that keep the training wheels of life on the young, impressionable minds you so love?
Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!
Do you need a speaker for an upcoming event? I’d love to be that guy. You can reach me at dave@cultivatecourage.com or 952-200-7499.
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This is an edited version of a post that originally ran on August 8, 2014.
Courage and Risk aren’t the enemies of Safety… they are partners in the intricate dance of life. Perhaps the key to this dance is TRUST. Do you trust that risk is work the outcome… that the one in control will do the right thing… that you know what your doing. As a new father (again), I am clear that I will have to wage this battle with my heart and mind to Trust the One whose in Control. TRUST – COURAGE – SAFETY (Maybe another way of saying it – LOVE )
That’s an interesting perspective, Alex. I hadn’t thought about it from one being the enemy of the other. I like the analogy of them being partners in the dance of life. I agree with you that safety is a critical part of life and always need to be considered. Unfortunately, for many people, safety often leads the dance and doesn’t give courage and risk a chance.
AMEN!!! Yes….the tongue DOES have the power of life AND death. You nailed it my friend. Thanks for sharing this. Learning to give others the gift of courage in the face of life is truly a blessing for them!!!
Thank you, Anthony! At least for me, this is always easier said than done but I’m working on it!